A Brain Wired Differently: Insights From a Neurodiverse, Neurodiversity Coach.
- Quinn Opatowsky, MSW
- May 4
- 6 min read
What is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity became a buzzword in 2023, used as an umbrella term for an array of diagnoses, including attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and other disorders such as Dyslexia and Sensory Processing Disorder. Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, which means it relates to how a person’s nervous system develops. The nervous system is the communicator between a person’s mind and body. The nervous system controls motor function, senses, thought processes, awareness, learning, memory, and regulation of moods, physical states, and body temperature.
Neurodiversity is not a mental health issue; it is a developmental difference. As an individual with multiple diagnoses that fit under the neurodivergent umbrella, I want to share some information about what these diagnoses mean, as well as how they can help and hurt the people labeled as neurodiverse. The label helped me understand where I fit and gave me a community I desperately needed. However, I have been faced with criticism and prejudice that I can’t be an autistic/neurodiverse life coach because someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, or ASD can’t possibly help others and understand emotions. We can thank Hans Asperger for the term “autistic psychopaths.”
Who am I? What authority do I have on this topic?
I am neurodivergent, and I am writing this blog to educate others; however, again, an important caveat is that all people are unique, just as their minds are unique. This is true among neurodivergent individuals as well. If you have met one person who is neurodiverse, you have met one person who is neurodiverse. At one point, I was credentialed as a LICSWA, ASDCS. Now I am writing this as a Life Coach with an MSW. I am not working as a therapist; this is Life Coaching. I am writing as an educated peer and mentor. I have an education and real-life work experience in the mental health field.
The Autism spectrum is not a straight line where people just fit somewhere on the line. I have worked with children and adults who are in some way neurodiverse for almost 12 years, not to mention my own lived experiences. I do not look at autism as separate from myself: it is a part of me, it impacts how I live in the world, my perception, my anxiety, and every aspect of my life is impacted by my brain being wired differently.
There are different levels of impact with cognitive impairment, motor control, and thought patterns in all people with autism and related disorders. However, I do challenge the word disorder, and this is not because this developmental disability doesn’t cause struggles; again, I emphasize the point of walking through the world differently because the society we live in often does not accommodate people with these needs or provide extra support. What I want to make abundantly clear is that, in my time working in the mental health field, I saw labels in records showing clear bias and stigma, making assumptions that someone who cannot communicate in a neurotypical (non-autistic) manner cannot communicate. Being wired differently allows people to see the world differently and is something to celebrate, not cure.
Humans are complex, and it is truly beautiful when a person is given what they need to be successful and to watch them thrive when, at one time, a doctor, or therapist, or a family member told you that your autistic or developmentally disabled child would never amount to anything. Stacey Milbern Park (co-founder of the disability justice movement) said it best: “My body doesn’t oppress me, society does.” If everyone were given what they needed to thrive, Neurodiversity may be less impairing. Check out the Disability Justice movement -- Disability justice: My Body Doesn't Oppress Me, Society Does
Sensitive Topic - Warning
Why the diagnosis changed: Asperger's Syndrome to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Hans Asperger has a tainted history. He has an association with the Nazi party, but he was not part of it directly. However, he was affiliated with race hygiene policies and participated in the child ‘euthanasia’ program. Additionally, he contributed to forced sterilizations and used harsh language that extracted the diagnosis he would provide, coining the term “autistic psychopaths.” He only studied young boys. He had a small sample size and applied it to a large population. When the DSM-5 changed the diagnosis to Autism Spectrum disorder, it now suggested that neurodivergence existed on a spectrum. However, the criteria for autism did not truly change all that much. (More information on Hans Asperger here!)
Autism is often viewed as a disorder that only impairs language, communication, and how people interact with one another, but there is so much more to autism than language deficits, connection, and lack of eye contact. As discussed above, the entire nervous system is impacted. I use the framework of the level of impact because low- and high-functioning autism can be harmful labels. The spectrum is not linear. If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person. However, neurodiversity is its own culture, and similarities do exist.
This circle offers multiple data points but does not cover the varied presentation of neurodivergence. I cannot emphasize enough that Autism, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, and other related diagnoses are all unique to the individual. They all exist on a spectrum, and that spectrum is not a straight line.
Symptoms of neurodiversity have trends that we see in the field that we then generalize to create an idea of “normalcy.” Hans Asperger, regardless of his tainted history, gave the community its first starting point. He created a baseline, a framework to start from, but his theories were not all correct, and his methods were not humane. However, this is the truth for many early psychologists, neurologists, and psychiatrists' theories and practices.
Let’s talk about Sigmund Freud. He is often referred to as the father of psychology, but he conducted unethical and biased research. Want to know more? Ideally, we can now learn from the mistakes of early psychology. Understanding past mistakes ensures that we can do better to protect people's rights and ideally stop unethical research from happening.
Autism in AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals vs AMAB (assigned male at birth): How they present differently
In my experience as a clinician and now as a coach, individuals who were not diagnosed until later in life often are AFAB, and AFAB individuals are underdiagnosed. I see many professionals rule out autism in AFAB individuals because they are “too social.” It is typical for girls to have at least one friend. I want to make it clear that these differences happen due to social gender norms and social conditioning. Recent studies, such as this one by Stanford, suggest there may be differences in brain structure between autism in AFAB and AMAB clients. This study offers a possible explanation for why girls may have fewer repetitive behaviors than boys.
AMABs symptoms are exhibited and often experienced more externally, leading to early and more frequent diagnosis. AFABs tend to have more internal experiences and are better at masking feelings, leaving girls underdiagnosed, misdiagnosed, and invalidated. The chart below is not all-encompassing of symptoms; it is a framework to show some of the patterned differences. The body of research that exists is small due to late diagnoses and nuanced presentations.
The following are observed patterns, which are not true for everyone. (These charts are about ASD)
AFAB | AMAB |
Fewer repetitive behaviors (they still happen) | More repetitive behaviors (hand flapping, spinning) |
More likely to respond to social cues | Less likely to respond to social cues |
Struggle with social communication later in life | Tend to struggle with social communication from an early age. |
More likely to “mask” | Less desire to “fit in” |
Can be more passive | Can display more aggressive behaviors |
Here are some more resources on how Autism looks different by gender:
Changes in Care
It is important to note that change is happening to help accommodate and provide an equitable footing to those who may be autistic or neurodiverse in some way. New organizations are starting studies to better help understand ASD in AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals. Organizations such as SPARK for Autism, which specializes in looking at markers to better help diagnose girls and non-binary individuals. Other organizations, such as The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), seek to advance the rights of people with autism. They are run by and for autistic people. As well as The Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN). The AWN provides community, support, and resources for autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and all others of marginalized genders.
I am speaking as a neurodivergent adult and parent of a neurodivergent child. Please be careful with the information you take as fact. There are well-known groups such as Autism Speaks, which is a hate group. More information on this here:
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